Affection

My mom and I have always had an unusually close bond. It is more than just a mother-daughter bond, or even a best friend bond. It is more like a soulmate bond. We can practically read each others minds and anticipate one another’s next moves. We have nothing and everything in common and I can’t imagine growing up with a different leader/guide/healer/and total badass sidekick.

I was lucky enough to grow up with my mom staying at home with my brother and I. She waved us goodbye as she handed us our lunchboxes and we got on the school bus in the morning, and she greeted us with a hug when we got off of the bus in the afternoon. She also watched other kids during the day so we got to grow up with a noisy house with all of our cousins and best friends, reading, doing crafts, and playing capture the flag in the front yard.

No matter how difficult things got financially or how tense relationships in the house were at times, she has never failed to provide for our family. She is the total package of a mom. Maternal, hilarious, involved (yeah, she’s sat through literally hundreds of basketball games! Thanks mom!) and she always has our backs no matter what.

Throughout the years, I have realized that I am extremely, insanely, without a doubt, one of the most blessed people in the world, in that I not only have a mom, but I have an awesome mom. I don’t take that for granted.

As well as my mom and I work together, and as much as I absolutely adore her, we can get on one another’s nerves every once in awhile which I why I snapped today in the car ride home from school.

It is the start of Thanksgiving break and I got a ride from school to a place about a half hour from my house, so my mom picked me up from there and we headed over to Trader Joe’s in search of some Thanksgiving food.

She had a long week and I was hangry. Really, really hangry. So, the sass came out of me and I was so irritated that I didn’t say a word as we walked into Trader Joe’s and paroozed the isles. After picking out some Thanksgiving veggies and I started to cool off, I set my head on my moms shoulder as we walked and told her I was sorry for being a little shit. We rounded a corner to go down the next isle and she wrapped her right arm around my shoulders and assured me that I’m her girl no matter what.

At that moment, an older man approached us and I was completely taken off guard.

He was middle aged, probably in his early fifties, the top of his head was bald but you could tell that he used to have a full head of brown hair, he was about my height, 5’6 and he wore rectangular wire rimmed glasses.

He said, “You’re lucky that your mom shows you affection.”

I asked him, “What?”

He repeated himself and went on to say, “My mom never showed me affection growing up and it really took a toll on me as a kid.”

I looked up at my mom and saw her eyes turn red and glaze over like they do every time she gets emotional.

My mom touched his arm and we responded in unison, “I am so sorry.”

How do you respond to that? What is the right thing to say?

He said, “It’s okay. I am okay now. It took me my entire life, but I’m okay.”

Now, I have had my heart broken a few times…when I broke up with my first boyfriend, when people that I love pass away, when I first began learning more about corrupt parts of my world… But tonight, after this stranger briefly opened up about the most intimate part of his life to me, another stranger, my heart broke in a completely different way. Feelings of guilt, compassion, respect, love, understanding, and connection with this man, flowed over me like a tsunami and I was honestly left standing in the frozen food isle of Trader Joe’s in utter disbelief.

Even though I have a mom who shows me affection, for a long time, I have been aware that some moms have absolutely no business being moms (but that is another story in itself). What I am trying to say is that I have seen both sides of mother-child relationships, I I know that bad ones can fuck children up for their entire lives.

Research has shown that there is a direct link between affection shown during childhood years and success and happiness in the future. Affection from parents to their children has been shown to cause higher self-esteem, better academic performance, less anxiety, and overall more resilient.

According to other studies, children who don’t receive affection from their parents generally feel more alienated, antisocial, and hostile.

Apparently, the brain actually changes and releases good chemicals when children are shown love and affection!

https://www.mother.ly/child/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life#close

I have never been one for affection. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t particularly enjoy PDA or touching anyone at all, but I am aware that skin on skin contact, or physical touch between people in general, has the ability to make us feel better. HUGS ARE SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO BE GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALTH.

https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging

The point that I am trying to get across is that it is so important to love, listen, and hug somebody everyday. Physical affection is one of the main building blocks of all relationships and it is crucial that we all stay connected by touch, in order to grow emotionally, physically, and mentally each and every day.

-Reganne

#affection #mother #daughter #hugs