What They Don't Tell You About College
- Reganne Ashley
- Feb 11, 2018
- 5 min read
I have always loved school. I genuinely love learning, especially about writing. Ya girl has always wanted to be a writer, a public speaker, a photographer…something in the realm of Communication Studies. I want to show people and help people, but that’s a whole different story.
College has given me so much. In my hometown, there is a program where you can enroll in your local community college while you’re still in high school, graduating with an AA degree and a high school diploma at the same time. Choosing to take advantage of this opportunity for the learning experience and the financial benefits has literally been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It has over prepared me for life at a University. I am two years ahead of everyone my age, and not just academically. Running Start forces you to mature faster than your peers, so it makes it harder to fit in with people your age who aren’t ready to ask a question in class or email a professor for clarification. And, I made the decision to live on campus, which is so wrong for me. Frankly, everything here is just wrong for me, and here’s why.
WHY EVERYTHING IS WRONG:
I’m not trying to whine or complain or feel sorry for myself (okay, maybe a little). I am here to state the facts and explain that the “college experience” is different for everyone. Maybe I can help someone feel like they’re not alone. My oldest friend is going to college out of state. Her college experience is exactly what I always imagined mine to be. She is going out constantly, has an amazing social life, got into her dream sorority, and above all, she found her place.
Now, we all have our “place.” It might be the mountains, the beach, a library, your bedroom, maybe even a person, I really don’t know! But, growing up, I always imagined that college would be a stepping stone to me finding my place, and eventually myself.
I have forever been attracted to the heat, Phoenix, Kauai, San Diego…you name it. So, why I chose to attend a University in Western Washington, I have no idea. I get brutal seasonal depression, as many Washingtonians do. My skin gets transparently pale, my hair dries up, my brain gets foggy, and as the days get shorter, a feeling of pure dread washes over me until I reach what I think is my breaking point and my family ends up pulling me up. So, I completely take the blame for choosing the wrong location of the University I am attending. Definitely not right for me. Follow your heart and go where you’re attracted to. You can do anything you put your mind to and if it doesn’t work out, transferring is not that difficult. Trust your gut.
I have only been at a university for about three months, but it feels like an eternity. Not in a good way. Nobody tells you that you are going to get pneumonia for over a month and that you would end up having to come home every weekend just so your mom can spoon feed you ramen and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Nobody tells you that your school is so sketchy that you feel unsafe walking from class to class. Nobody tells you that strange men hide in your communal bathroom, flash you, and grope you as you are walking at night. Nobody tells you that you will live in complete fear for your own safety and the safety of your peers. They don’t tell you that your whole school has a different culture and political standpoint than you, so you feel like you have to hold in every thought and opinion that crosses your mind. They don’t tell you that you will feel trapped. Like an animal in a zoo kind of trapped. Nobody tells you that you will get five parking tickets, have your car impounded and end up hysterically crying to your best friend over the phone while you’re walking across campus. Nobody tells you that you will be more lonely than you have ever been, and it is the most frustrating thing in the world because you are surrounded by other people. Nobody tells you that you won’t fit in, and that there are long strands of hair EVERYWHERE when you live with seven other girls.
But,
They also don’t tell you that you will connect with a few really, really high quality people that you knew in high school but never expected to be friends with. They don’t tell you that you will laugh so hard one night while you’re playing cards with your friends, that you’ll almost pee yourself. They don’t tell you that you will begin to appreciate the little things, and cherish every single second you get to spend with your family. They don’t tell you that even though college may not be what you expected, and it may be one of the most difficult experiences you’ve had in your life, it is exactly what you need.
I have only been here for three months, but they have absolutely been the most uncomfortable three months of my life not only because this college experience was not what I wanted, but because it has me questioning everything about myself. Do I have the ability to make good decisions? How can I stay physically and mentally safe in a place where I feel like a moving target? How do I attract like minded people? Do I really know myself at all?
Hopefully, these questions will be answered as I go. I have an understanding with the Universe that it doesn’t make mistakes. Every uncomfortable second I have to spend on this campus is making me a little stronger and a little tougher, preparing me for all of my future traveling and time spent outside of my comfort zone.
Being in this space has pushed me. Well, its punched me. Right in my face. Repeatedly. I have learned my lesson and I will absolutely never, ever make a decision without trusting my gut again. I’m a little bit broken, but in a good way, like when you go too hard on the monkey bars at recess and after awhile, the skin on your hands starts getting a little more rough and a little stronger every time you play on those bars. Well, maybe I am getting a little rougher and a little stronger every day. Maybe, being uncomfortable is shaping me like putty to be the exact mold of who I am supposed to be.
God, I hope so.
-Reganne
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